Love Grows

Maybe you’re old enough to remember the opening line of the 80’s love ballad, Foolish Heart, (sung by Steve Perry). The line goes like this: I need a love that grows.

A love that grows? Really? That’s an interesting thought. Most people say that if love does anything in a marriage, it’s probably going to fade, not grow. Is it possible for love to grow in your marriage?

The question stems from wondering what is reasonable to expect from a marriage.  I mean reasonable in a real world kind of way.   Marriage books, blogs, and articles have a tendency to raise the expectation bar a little high, in my opinion.  I think this question is both reasonable, and challenging.

This question also stems from one of Paul’s prayers in the New Testament:

And this is my prayer, that your love will keep on growing more and more
-Philippians 1:9 (ISV)

Keep on growing?  Yep.

I think its reasonable to say that God expects growth.  Like the parable of the Talents, God gives us a gift (in this case, the gift of love) and He expects it to grow and even multiply.  Of course, this applies to our love for him and others; so it would especially apply to the marriage relationship.  And like the parable of the talents, we’re accountable to Him for its growth.

So let’s challenge ourselves with this question…

Has my love for my spouse grown over the past year?

Try to resist the urge to dismiss the question by assuming your love for your spouse grows automatically; that somehow, if given enough time and space, your love for each other will grow if you can just manage to stay together.  Therefore, there’s no reason to think about it.

This much I know:  love needs to grow.  Why?  Because Jesus said love can be forsaken (Revelation 2:4), and it can also grow cold (Matthew 24:12).  In fact, He said the love of most will grow cold.

If you’re like me, some of you reading this have a good marriage.  It’s not perfect, but you’re happy together.  If that’s you, then I think this question is especially challenging because the need for growth isn’t as obvious.  A struggling couple, on the other hand, is aware of their need for growth.

Here’s the bottom line:

The goal isn’t simply to stay together, its to grow – to build a love that grows, not just a love that lasts.

Here’s the question again: Has my love for my spouse grown over the past year?

Let’s embrace this question in your own marriage context and come to your own conclusions.  Wrestle with it.  Chew on it this week.  Bring it to God in your prayers and see what He might impress upon your heart.